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I Agree

Jonah Goldberg is surely right that a big part of John Bolton's problem is his moustache. It makes him look like a child molestor, no? I seem to recall having read somewhere that after the Bork hearings the Reagan High Command decreed that nobody associated with their administration was going on television sporting odd facial hair ever again.

April 12, 2005 | Permalink

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Comments

Who in Reagan High Command said that? George Steinbrenner?

Posted by: Al | Apr 12, 2005 2:36:28 PM

I'd grow a moustache if I could. Looking like a kidtoucher is in these days. Bolton's hair is his real problem.

Posted by: mark | Apr 12, 2005 2:45:19 PM

evidence that Goldberg reads Atrios ?

Posted by: cleek | Apr 12, 2005 2:45:51 PM

Well, there's C. Everett Koop. Did he appear on TV after the Bork hearings?

Posted by: Paul Callahan | Apr 12, 2005 2:49:58 PM

I saw Koop on Da Ali G Show a couple years ago, Paul, but perhaps that isn't what you're talking about.

Posted by: JP | Apr 12, 2005 2:53:53 PM

Irrelevant aside: when you do a google image search to get a good look at Bolton's soup strainer, you also get pictures of women in bondage. I guess there are a bunch of John Boltons out there.

http://images.google.com/images?q=john%20bolton&hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&safe=off&sa=N&tab=wi

Posted by: Paul Callahan | Apr 12, 2005 2:57:28 PM

Please, Paul. It's not a soup strainer as much as it's a cock-duster.

Posted by: mark | Apr 12, 2005 2:58:51 PM

I have a friend who said during the Bork hearings that the main reason he was rejected was because he looked better upside-down than rightside-up. :-)

Posted by: pfc | Apr 12, 2005 3:07:53 PM

I think the main problem with Bolton's mustache is that it is a completely different color from his hair. He looks like he just started assembling his Albert Einstein Halloween costume.

Also, Goldberg seems to be unaware that we have, in the past, had presidents with facial hair.

Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Apr 12, 2005 3:21:49 PM

I have a friend who said during the Bork hearings that the main reason he was rejected was because he looked better upside-down than rightside-up. :-)

That's nothing. I have a friend who said during the Bork hearings that the main reason he was rejected was because he's one of those "strict constructionist" loons who has no fundamental respect for precedent or jurisprudence. :-)

Actually, I think that the moustache critique is exactly right. If only he would shave off the moustache of virulent hostility towards international organizations, replacing it with the smooth skin of multilateral cooperation. Alas, he might still be plagued by the razor burn of having bungled the North Korea situation.

Posted by: mds | Apr 12, 2005 3:25:48 PM

Remember John Holbo's famous review of Dead Right--David Frum, at least, seems to consider facial hair some major manifestation of social decay...

Posted by: Scott Lemieux | Apr 12, 2005 3:33:25 PM

I don't think it's the color so much as the length. I immediately distrust someone whose lips are covered. And it's like so gross when they eat.

Posted by: katrina | Apr 12, 2005 3:33:37 PM

His main problem for me is that he's an obnoxious creep. I actually agree somewhat with his policies, and would love to see a (metaphorical) bomb thrower appointed to the U.N., but everything I've read about Mr. Bolton's personality is that he routinely and grossly abuses his underlings -- so I hope he goes down to flaming defeat. Screw him.

Posted by: ostap | Apr 12, 2005 3:38:01 PM

Only two kinds of dudes are allowed to have moustaches: a certain type of gay guy (think of the biker guy in the Village People) and highway patrolmen, for some reason.

I made many unfortunate facial hair choices in my early 20s but got over that phase.

Posted by: Brian | Apr 12, 2005 3:41:57 PM

Also, one would think that Matthew would be the LAST person to criticize someone's facial hair. I did see some of the Panel last week, ya know.

Posted by: Al | Apr 12, 2005 3:48:31 PM

Why does he look like a child molester? There must be some experience in Matt's past he's not telling us about.

Posted by: Modern Crusader | Apr 12, 2005 3:56:49 PM

Only two kinds of dudes are allowed to have moustaches: a certain type of gay guy (think of the biker guy in the Village People) and highway patrolmen, for some reason.

And of course, Ned Flanders.

Posted by: LizardBreath | Apr 12, 2005 4:01:02 PM

Facial hair? I'm sorry but Jonah, Duncan, and you are focused on facial hair when the real story is that he lied about abusing that analyst.

Posted by: pgl | Apr 12, 2005 4:19:29 PM

It just needs to be trimmed. It's so Stalinesque for a winger. He needs to trim both edges so that he only has hair between his nose and upper lip. Much more culturally appropriate then.

Posted by: Raenelle | Apr 12, 2005 4:31:20 PM

There was a fine political cartoon a couple weeks ago picturing Bolton as Yosemite Sam, six-guns a-blazin', sitting behind a U.N. name card. Some people are so clever!

Posted by: Allen K. | Apr 12, 2005 4:55:40 PM

I don't think the two-tone appearance is that unusual. A lot of men seem to go gray from the bottom up. But the cow-catcher effect of a too-long mustache is never a flattering one.

Posted by: modus potus | Apr 12, 2005 5:27:43 PM

I kinda like it. It makes him seem from another era.

If Andrew Jackson was alive today, would he be John Bolton?

Posted by: jake | Apr 12, 2005 5:46:02 PM

The reason for the opposition to Bolton has nothing at all to do with his mustache. In fact he could have a full beard, or mutton chops, or a van dyke, etc. and it wouldn't affect the opposition to him. He is just a terrible choice to be ambassador to the UN. I don't care if he shows up for the hearings in a tutu, or keeps a 6 yr old boy on his lap as he testifies. He is one lousy appointment to any job involving diplomacy or involvement with the UN.

Posted by: Vaughn Hopkins | Apr 12, 2005 5:59:21 PM

yeah, Bolton's definitely sporting a molestache

Posted by: Dave C | Apr 12, 2005 6:22:01 PM

You hit the nail on the head.

I got summoned for jury duty recently, and the defendant was accused of an act of gross lewdness with a child. He had that exact same Bolton moustache! I -- good let's-protect-the-rights-of-the-accused liberal that I am -- took one look at that moustache and thought, "That fucker is guilty as sin."

Posted by: john | Apr 12, 2005 10:09:32 PM

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